There has been quite the stir here with the total eclipse! Let me just say the eclipse was amazing!!! It got dark and cold, I was flabbergasted at the contrast. Of course, I am thankful for sunshine but the truth that without the sun we wouldn’t exist has been quite poignant. I’m grateful for the sun. That idea of how wonderful the sun is, how essential the sun is, brings the opposite to mind. Living in darkness would be a world of sadness, like how living with Lyme’s Disease feels.
In the darkness of Lymes Disease, I felt hopeless and bleak. Everything that stretched in front of me was sadness and darkness. I kept the curtains drawn and my lights off because my head hurt so much. I laid awake most of the night in the silent darkness. My muscles ached and my joints were mad at me. I dreaded the day and the noise and the despair that I couldn’t help my family. I couldn’t be the person I wanted to be. The darkness in my soul was worst. Is this how my life would be lived? In the deep dark of pain.
Some days I would get out of bed in the morning with the resolution that today would be the day that I would feel better. I would make myself feel better. I would WILL myself to have energy, to walk normally. I would go to my daughters school and sit with children as they read. I WOULD BE the mother I want to be. But no matter how much I wanted to feel energetic and happy. I didn’t. I hurt everywhere. The more I moved the more pain I experienced. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to just lay. Watching tv was even too hard. Too much stimulation. Life had a bleak outlook. How could I live like this forever?
Other days I couldn’t muster the energy to try. I would just lay there on my bed. Starring blankly.
I remember the first time my husband found me like this. He had been in and out of town for a few weeks and during that time I had digressed rapidly. He had come home during the day and walked into our bedroom. He couldn’t believe my state. Ever so gently he asked me what I was doing. I replied, “I don’t feel good. This is what I do.” That’s when it became real for him. That’s when he started making new dr appointments.
6 years later I am on the other side. I did it! I am actually in the sunshine! I don’t live in pain. I don’t fake it. It’s so beautiful here in the sun. I want everyone to live in the light. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that life can feel better, not just better….. Incredible!!!!!